Every time I’m doing my work lately.
you are lurking in the corner of my eyes.
to the scrolling timeline.
I am ‘browsing the categories of discontent.’
like I’m searching Netflix for my favorite way
to torture myself.
Torture because the work builds up and then I beat up
I should make a vow to quit today,
I tell myself.
And then I have quit.
And then a few minutes later I have relapsed
hunched over my phone.
I will just play one game.
1 game multiplies into many.
And now many games have destroyed the day.
The phone buzzes and I snatch it from its resting place
to find out who likes me and who doesn’t.
Both are thrilling.
The thrills end quickly and crash me into
real moments I was not ready for.
The work has piled up again.
And then the self-criticisms pile on after.
Two arrows always arrive together.
What will it take to wake up from this?